It was 2014. I was in the midst of a healing crisis with Chronic Lyme Disease and I was desperate to restore my health. After seeing MDs, Natropaths, TCM doctors and Chiropractors to heal my body, I then sought out psychologists, energy healers, and shamans to guide me to heal my consciousness around this karmic illnesses.
I was on a mission!
I had an entire team working to bring this suffering to an end. And I knew deep down that this disease was not going to go away without healing my subtle (CLARIFY) body on a profound level.
Many of the practitioners I saw had the same theme, “It is all in your head,” “Let go,” “Meditate more!”.
With a high functioning Pitta constitution in my mind, I delved right in, head first (pun intended). I wanted the answer so badly. My mind YELLED at me that If I did not succeed, the ever-looming presence of swallowing depression waited for me. My heart whispered to me that it was scared and trembling at the thought of the mind in control. CLARIFY
Let the internal war begin…
I had to try everything. If the mind could get there then the heart could trust again! At least this is what my thoughts had conjured up.
So… I sat and meditated everyday. I had a very disciplined practice of not moving an inch for an hour everyday. After (literally) a couple of years of this and not seeing a dramatic resurrection in my health, as I had obviously expected, I finally let go into a deep self-shaming depression.
I had failed.
Everyone else in the entire world seems to be able to meditate, let go, and heal. Why can’t I do it? Why can’t my mind, heart and body heal? What’s wrong with me?
Then along came my dear friend and teacher, Ayurveda. It gave me the wisdom and knowledge of the Primordial Cause of Disease.
What is this, you say?
Sounds ancient and wise but not useful in 2021. Au contraire mon ami.
It was this Ayurvedic teaching that got me out of the toxic shame cycle of blaming myself and being a victim of Chronic Lyme Disease. It put me on the express path to restoring my health. It gave a guideline on how the disease became so chronic and would not leave. It showed me clarity on how it not only started in the mind but also in my connection to spirit. It gave the empowerment to take responsibility for my health AND my healing.
Here it is…
The Primordial Cause of Disease (as interpreted from my teacher Dr. Marc Halpern in his book, Healing Your Life: Lessons on the path of Ayurveda):
• Step 1: We forgot our true nature as spirit~ we forgot we are a part of the greater source
• Step 2: We get caught up in life’s dramas~ our minds spin out and create story lines
• Step 3: Our intellect fails~ (in samskrita: Prajnaparadha) Do we always do the things that we know are healthy for us? – At this stage, we listen to the desires of the ego, choosing to go even further towards the behaviors that keep us in our imbalances
• Step 4: We misuse the senses: (in samskrita: Asatmyendriyartha Samyoga) How we use our senses can lead to either health or disease (imbalance)~ We get caught up in our dramas and make unhealthy choices on what we eat, what we listen too, what we watch, the speech we choose, etc.
• Step 5: We speed time up: (in samskrita: Parinama) The more storylines we create the faster our minds move, the faster we breathe, the faster we age, the faster time speeds up for us. It’s a fact, stress ages us!
• Step 6: The Doshas (energies that regulate all functions of the body and mind) become disturbed~ we begin have physical symptoms, but they may be unnoticeable or we ignore them. Here we many not even know how to listen to our symptoms
• Step 7: As a result suffering and disease occur: Ultimately, the Doshas cannot keep homeostasis in the body and mind due to our lifestyle and diet choices. This results in the symptoms to go deeper into our tissues causing chronic illnesses
This was MIND BLOWING! My heart was shouting “This is it, listen Abbey!!” I wept when my teacher taught this. And I wept for the next month.
I clearly saw that I can unravel the story of my dis-ease by healing each step, one by one. This is the practice of Ayurveda.
I could see my part in causing the disease and take responsibility for what was happening. I found clarity on how to heal all the way back to remembering my true nature as spirit, as the Divine. I could forgive myself and forgive all the practitioners I had blamed for not “helping”. In fact, all of them knew the path, and in hindsight, ‘it was all in my head’. I just needed it in the format that my heart could understand and my mind could follow.
There is a Sanskrit word that became my mantra through this time~ Smarana, meaning ‘to remember’. This guided me through remembering my own true divinity.
May these words, in some way, support you on your healing journey.
